Grade School
Q: What did the boy magnet say to the girl magnet?
A: From your backside, I thought you were quite repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive. High School
Q: What do you call 1 kilogram of falling figs?
A: 1 Fig Newton 
Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state. 
A physicist's favorite bumper sticker: "Absolute zero is really cool!"
A photon walks into a hotel. The desk clerk says, "Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?" The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
Q: What is a nuclear physicist's favorite meal?
A: Fission Chips. 
What a physicist hears when he watches "Star Wars":
"May the mass times acceleration be with you!" 
A man was recently cooled to absolute zero- but he's 0K now.
Did you hear about the physicist who was reading a great book on anti-gravity?
He couldn't put it down. College
Entropy just isn't what it used to be.
Dr. Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".
Schrödinger's dishes: Both broken and unbroken until you open the door. 
Q. Why is quantum mechanics the original "original hipster"?
A. It described the universe before it was cool. 
There's a new theory of inertia, but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
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