Cool Engineering Jokes

Grade School

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to her and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a handsome prince." She bent over, picked up the frog and put it in her pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a handsome prince, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of her pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a prince, I'll be your devoted boyfriend." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into her pocket.  Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a handsome prince, and that I'll be your devoted boyfriend.  Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a boyfriend, but a talking frog......that's cool!"

High School

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
​To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Q:  How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
​A:  When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q:  What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked?
​A:  That Hertz!

Q:  What's the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A:  Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

College

Q:  How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A:  Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, then fold up a road map the wrong way.

You might be an engineer if:

• You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
• In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
• The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
• At an air show, you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
• You can quote lines from any Monty Python movie.
• You sit backwards on Disney rides so you can see how they do the special effects.
• You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
• You know what http:// stands for.
• You look forward to Christmas so you can put together the kids' toys.
• You see a good design, and have to change it.
• You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
• You think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
• You window shop at Radio Shack.
• You've already calculated how much you make per second.
• You've tried to repair a $5 radio.

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

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